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World of Warcraft as a pen & paper RPG

For your amusement I have composed the following:

World of Warcraft as a pen & paper RPG

GM: Okay, you guys are in a town called Goldshire. There is a tavern here and a man standing outside. It looks like he has a quest for you.
Pwntu: I look for something to kill.
Mighthammer: How do I know he has a quest for me? Does he look suspicious?
GM: Pwntu, there are some rabbits here and there is a warrior running along the path towards you. Mighthammer, you just get this feeling, like the man is exclaiming to you that a quest is to be had.
Seksaygrape: I jump.
GM: Okay Seksaygrape, roll percentile.
Seksaygrape: *rolls a 43%*
GM: Okay Seksaygrape, you jump.
Mighthammer: I talk to the man.
Pwntu: I kill the rabbits.
GM: Okay, Pwntu, you run around slaying all the rabbits. Mighthammer, the man says, “Every adventurer should rest when exhaustion sets in – and there is no finer place to get rest and relaxation than at the Lion’s Pride Inn!
My best friend, Innkeeper Farley, runs the Lion’s Pride. If you tell him I sent you, he may give you the special discounted rates on food and drink.”
Pwntu: How much EXP do they give me?
GM: None.
Mighthammer: I go into the inn and talk to Farley.
Pwntu: WTF!
Seksaygrape: I jump.
GM: Okay Mighthammer you go into the inn. Farley says, “Many years back, on a stormy night, a messenger came in, seeking refuge for the night. Near the stroke of midnight, the man ran down the stairs screaming, his face pale with

fear. Still wearing his bedclothes, he disappeared into the downpour. In his haste he forgot his letters in the chest upstairs. He never returned…”
Mighthammer: I accept the quest.
GM: I wasn’t quite done telling it to you.
Mighthammer: Yeah, but I can ask you later if I need to.
GM: *sigh* Seksaygrape, roll percentile.
Seksaygrape: *rolls a 66%*
GM: Okay Seksaygrape, instead of just jumping, you execute a very cute foreward flip.
Pwntu: I duel the warrior.
Seksaygrape: Yay! I love it when I do the flip!
Mighthammer: Hey, what am I looking for again?
GM: Pwntu, the warrior is gone. Mighthammer, you are looking for a letter upstairs.
Pwntu: I chase him!
Mighthammer: Right! I check the room for the letter.
GM: The warrior runs at exactly the same speed as you no matter how hard you try.
Pwntu: I sprint!
GM: Okay, you catch him! Then you ask him for a duel he ingores you and runs off.
Pwntu: I yell at him!
Seksaygrape: I want to jump a bunch of times in a row.
GM: After bellowing furiously at the warrior for his cowardice, 7 people respond to your yell by yelling back at you with the ominous word “noob”.
Pwntu: WTF!
GM: Okay Seksaygrape, how many times would you like to jump?
Seksaygrape: 26 times.
Pwntu: Can I duel them all?
GM Okay Seksaygrape, roll a percentile 26 times and write down the numbers.
Seksaygrape: *begins to roll*
GM: Pwntu, they all ignore you.
Pwntu: Screw this, I’m going to get some taco bel and a Mountain Dew Code Red, it’s so leet.
Mighthammer: So did I find the letter?
GM: Yes, you found the…
Mighthammer: Okay cause it seemed to take a while for you to get back to me on that letter thing.
GM: Sorry, I was having technical difficulties.
Mighthammer: Yeah… your lagging is really bugging me.
GM: Look, I can only do so…
Mighthammer: Hey, dont’ worry about it. I have a forum post to go make.
Seksaygrape: Okay, I got a 23, 45, 37, 98, 99, 76, 50, 45, 12, 09, 30, 73, 72, 54, 36, 26, 78, 82, 59, 01, 93, 77, 34, 20, 38 and 55.
GM: Okay Seksaygrape, as it turns out, 13 of the 26 times you jump, you do an amazingly acrobatic flip. The last flip was surprisingly similar to the first.
Seksaygrape: Holy crap, Taco Bell?!? I’m outta here!

-Aaron

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rail gun is key to happiness, aaron. do not fail me.

I got this very amusing email one day. I am not sure what to make of it except the “Schwa leader” part which makes me wonder if the fact that I commonly use “Effendi” as my moniker has anything to do with it. I also wonder if this could possibly be generated with a email generation script or something. The worst case I guess would be that this is some actual scary organization trying to contact me with a rather impractical approach to building a weapon. At any rate… enjoy!

Schwa leader:

We will need your cooperation. In return we will give you a real rail gun which you can use in public, in the correct circumstances.

If you are interested, (you are) – we need to get started. We take it you have built an electromagnet once or twice. You will need to step up one level in hardware. You will build a coil magnet of larger size. That is all. Get started now, and make this thing as long as you can without exceeding a carryable length. If you are mounting on the vehicle, you must be sure that it can be taken in, and not like a pair of pants you wore one Christmas- it has to be concealable with 30 seconds of focused physical movement, as played in covert ops. Telescoping is an option if you have a really big Slinky. This is not a joke. You will want this thing when you know what you are up against.

We have the sights made. You will build the rail for Us, but not them. We will give you ammo that is worthy of the Cos. Look to Winters’ sky, and sekrits reveal the plan. Tot riding on Eris. Future is sky. We teach you potential. Do not look for Santee. |eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee clips|. Tes-LA-mess-LA. Good wood. Hoo knew. Yoo too. Get widdit. Nau!

Your name is BLU. You are going to see more of Us. Do not despair too much.

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Randomly Meandering

I will re-post the pirate fest posting in a few weeks, just wanted to get a few words in edgewise.

First, do you know what pain is? Pain is having a Slinky and no stairs!

I recently attended the Video Games Live concert and had a lot of fun. Here is a picture of how I decided to dress for the event. I’ll leave it as an exorcise to the reader to choose which one I am.

Piccy-piccy!

Everyone wondering why I have dropped off the face of the earth. I am in the middle of a… let me say my first ever new years resolution which is to pay off all my debt. I don’t think I can do it within a year but I can sure as heck try. With that comes the tendency to not go out and spend money in bars, restaurants, bungie-jumping extravaganzas, etc… So I have been spending a bit of time watching movies, playing DDR, gaming, catching a cold, etc…

I tried dating for a while. Met a nice girl, and that was great but it ended up not working out in the end. Dating is kind of expensive and it doesn’t really comply with my resolution so I am currently wan to do it. I think online dating, by definition, is “trying too hard” anyway, so I think instead I am just going to endeavor to hang out with friends more often. Who knows. At least it doesn’t cost $80 a pop to go to a friend’s house. This message brought to you by Cynical Aaron Industries.

My friend Pardis brought up an issue with me. Apparently I have this tendency to forget things. I was shocked! So affected by her advice I found an online calendar that I am able to use to jot down events and the like so if someone asks me, “Are you busy this weekend” I can definitively say yes or no. How convenient!

I am so happy about the weather. I love the rain and wouldn’t really mind if it rained like this all the time. I hear people complain about it. My response is, “At least nobody is complaining about a drought!” It occurs to me that there are very few instances during a year when everyone will say, “What nice weather we are having!” Usually someone is unhappy with the sun or the atmosphere in some way. Just another way it is impossible to make everyone happy.

6 weeks to Sparge. I think I’ll go, kick back, relax, have a hundred beers.

Until then…

-Aaron