True story.

So here is a story that I have not really told too many people because it is possibly one of the most embarrassing things I have ever done. I now splay myself open for all to read.

One day I went to a wedding of a friend of mine. It was great and the reception had lots of champagne. The problem was, nobody was drinking the champagne. I asked what would become of it and I was told all those open bottles would go down the drain. Something had to be done! I took it on myself to make sure it all found a proper home, ignoring the fact that I was at a formal event. Luckily, I did make it out of the reception without doing anything terribly embarrassing besides declaring, “I’m going to a titty bar!”

So we leave and hop in a taxi to go to a titty bar. There is an entry fee and an ATM. I go to grab some cash but the ATM machine eats my card!!! By now I can barely see. We decide not to go in the topless bar, though it was beckoning to me ever so sweetly with the stench of pheromone enhanced perfumes, watered down drinks and moist trousers.

So the girl I was with and I decide to walk back. Then I turn into a werewolf. In glee I begin to chase this girl through the streets growling like I’m furry and in London, until two police officers stop us and tell us it is very late and we should get home or be arrested. We wholeheartedly agree and then I turn into a werewolf again. Now, somehow between alcohol induced blindness and the brown lupine fur blocking my eyes, she gets back to the hotel room 50 feet away from us and I get lost. I wander aimlessly until I happen upon what appears to be a gathering of thugs. They look at me strangely, no doubt wondering how I got all that hair, and I decide to run away. It is a little known fact that werewolves are not supposed to wear dress shoes. So I land wrong on one foot and sprain my ankle badly. It hurt a lot. I wander off limping until I find a friendly coffee shop. Now if you can imagine being sober and seeing a man limp in to your coffee shop with ripped dress pants and a suit and tie, slurring out a request for directions to a hotel that he does not know the name of and who may or may not have a canine snout full of teeth, it would look odd. So they were no help. I decided to walk further. I finally flagged down a taxi and he had mercy on me and took me to the hotel, 1 block away, even though I had no money. I told him he would be paid when we got there.

When we got there, my friends were there with open arms and we all had a good chuckle.

So anyone who is anyone should visit this site. Send them some stories of your own. Got any pictures of you passed out with sharpie marks on your face? Send them in! Sponsor-A-Drunk.


Speak Your Mind