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World of Warcraft as a pen & paper RPG

For your amusement I have composed the following:

World of Warcraft as a pen & paper RPG

GM: Okay, you guys are in a town called Goldshire. There is a tavern here and a man standing outside. It looks like he has a quest for you.
Pwntu: I look for something to kill.
Mighthammer: How do I know he has a quest for me? Does he look suspicious?
GM: Pwntu, there are some rabbits here and there is a warrior running along the path towards you. Mighthammer, you just get this feeling, like the man is exclaiming to you that a quest is to be had.
Seksaygrape: I jump.
GM: Okay Seksaygrape, roll percentile.
Seksaygrape: *rolls a 43%*
GM: Okay Seksaygrape, you jump.
Mighthammer: I talk to the man.
Pwntu: I kill the rabbits.
GM: Okay, Pwntu, you run around slaying all the rabbits. Mighthammer, the man says, “Every adventurer should rest when exhaustion sets in – and there is no finer place to get rest and relaxation than at the Lion’s Pride Inn!
My best friend, Innkeeper Farley, runs the Lion’s Pride. If you tell him I sent you, he may give you the special discounted rates on food and drink.”
Pwntu: How much EXP do they give me?
GM: None.
Mighthammer: I go into the inn and talk to Farley.
Pwntu: WTF!
Seksaygrape: I jump.
GM: Okay Mighthammer you go into the inn. Farley says, “Many years back, on a stormy night, a messenger came in, seeking refuge for the night. Near the stroke of midnight, the man ran down the stairs screaming, his face pale with

fear. Still wearing his bedclothes, he disappeared into the downpour. In his haste he forgot his letters in the chest upstairs. He never returned…”
Mighthammer: I accept the quest.
GM: I wasn’t quite done telling it to you.
Mighthammer: Yeah, but I can ask you later if I need to.
GM: *sigh* Seksaygrape, roll percentile.
Seksaygrape: *rolls a 66%*
GM: Okay Seksaygrape, instead of just jumping, you execute a very cute foreward flip.
Pwntu: I duel the warrior.
Seksaygrape: Yay! I love it when I do the flip!
Mighthammer: Hey, what am I looking for again?
GM: Pwntu, the warrior is gone. Mighthammer, you are looking for a letter upstairs.
Pwntu: I chase him!
Mighthammer: Right! I check the room for the letter.
GM: The warrior runs at exactly the same speed as you no matter how hard you try.
Pwntu: I sprint!
GM: Okay, you catch him! Then you ask him for a duel he ingores you and runs off.
Pwntu: I yell at him!
Seksaygrape: I want to jump a bunch of times in a row.
GM: After bellowing furiously at the warrior for his cowardice, 7 people respond to your yell by yelling back at you with the ominous word “noob”.
Pwntu: WTF!
GM: Okay Seksaygrape, how many times would you like to jump?
Seksaygrape: 26 times.
Pwntu: Can I duel them all?
GM Okay Seksaygrape, roll a percentile 26 times and write down the numbers.
Seksaygrape: *begins to roll*
GM: Pwntu, they all ignore you.
Pwntu: Screw this, I’m going to get some taco bel and a Mountain Dew Code Red, it’s so leet.
Mighthammer: So did I find the letter?
GM: Yes, you found the…
Mighthammer: Okay cause it seemed to take a while for you to get back to me on that letter thing.
GM: Sorry, I was having technical difficulties.
Mighthammer: Yeah… your lagging is really bugging me.
GM: Look, I can only do so…
Mighthammer: Hey, dont’ worry about it. I have a forum post to go make.
Seksaygrape: Okay, I got a 23, 45, 37, 98, 99, 76, 50, 45, 12, 09, 30, 73, 72, 54, 36, 26, 78, 82, 59, 01, 93, 77, 34, 20, 38 and 55.
GM: Okay Seksaygrape, as it turns out, 13 of the 26 times you jump, you do an amazingly acrobatic flip. The last flip was surprisingly similar to the first.
Seksaygrape: Holy crap, Taco Bell?!? I’m outta here!

-Aaron

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